Not cut out for the "corporate world"

Sometimes I wonder how my life would have turned out if I'd made different choices. Like if I hadn't gotten married at twenty. Or if I had decided to pursue that study-abroad program in Spain instead of getting engaged. If I had actually submitted that application to University of Florida instead of just thinking I had. If I had somehow stayed in California and actually found a job related to the graduate degree I spent forever acquiring. If I had not had a baby.

I don't regret my life. I love my husband dearly, and my daughter is more precious and beautiful to me than I would have ever thought possible. I'm thankful for the many things I have--a nice home to live in and the valuable opportunity to be home with Eowyn and help her grow every day. I'm grateful that I've been lucky enough not to make too many stupid choices. I'm grateful that Christian is such a funny, rational, loving person. I'm grateful that we're have a modicum of financial stability, and so many choices for our personal entertainment that it's staggering.

All that doesn't keep me from wondering about 'what-ifs'. Meredith and I have talked about this and both agree that we're just not cut out for the 'corporate world'. I think it's because the two main characteristics of my life over the years have been timidity and laziness (call it lack of self-discipline, to be more gentle). Also, a fear of being alone and a need to feel loved. I'm not a driven person. I just want someone to hug, who will hug me back. That doesn't keep me from wondering about all my lost potential.

I'm 27 and having a mid-life crisis.