There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead.
Who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good,
She was very good indeed,
But when she was bad she was horrid.
--Longfellow
--Longfellow
The range of Eowyn's mood swings has been taking its toll on me. It's been difficult to keep perspective on it. On days when she wakes up from her nap cheerful and easygoing, all is right with the world and I feel blissfully happy to be a mother. We laugh and sing while we pretend with her baby dolls, read books, and play on the swings. I cook dinner without incident while she pretends to cook, too.
But--it feels more often than not--other days she wakes up in a delicate temper. Tickling might make her scowl, or she'll throw her books in frustration. She cries to be in her swing, then cries to be out. She clings, screaming, to my leg as I attempt to provide our dinner. She clamors to be held, then protests to be put down again. Those days, I count the minutes until her bedtime, when I can have respite from the emotional energy it takes to handle her.
After she's in bed (and often through the long afternoon) the self-doubt and finger-pointing begin. What am I doing wrong as a mother, that she is like this? Why can't Christian be home before 8:00 to help me? Is it because he just doesn't care enough about us? The evening often plays out with fits of crying and venting of anger and frustration on an unsuspecting husband.
At this moment, I can see clearly the ridiculousness of the situation. Eowyn is like a prairie field, covered in bright sunlight one minute, the next minute tossed by a tempest which leaves as quickly as it came. But when I'm in the middle of the storm, it is just so difficult for me to remember that there is ever a beginning or an end to it.
I'm praying for perspective and grace.
But--it feels more often than not--other days she wakes up in a delicate temper. Tickling might make her scowl, or she'll throw her books in frustration. She cries to be in her swing, then cries to be out. She clings, screaming, to my leg as I attempt to provide our dinner. She clamors to be held, then protests to be put down again. Those days, I count the minutes until her bedtime, when I can have respite from the emotional energy it takes to handle her.
After she's in bed (and often through the long afternoon) the self-doubt and finger-pointing begin. What am I doing wrong as a mother, that she is like this? Why can't Christian be home before 8:00 to help me? Is it because he just doesn't care enough about us? The evening often plays out with fits of crying and venting of anger and frustration on an unsuspecting husband.
At this moment, I can see clearly the ridiculousness of the situation. Eowyn is like a prairie field, covered in bright sunlight one minute, the next minute tossed by a tempest which leaves as quickly as it came. But when I'm in the middle of the storm, it is just so difficult for me to remember that there is ever a beginning or an end to it.
I'm praying for perspective and grace.
Eowyn looks so cute in that picture! I guess the fact that she's so adorable makes up for her being so hard to deal with sometimes. I think it's funny that she's standing on the table, holding the phone. So Eowyn! I miss you guys!
ReplyDeleteShe's a passionate girl and her temper isn't likely to get easier to deal with as time goes by... try to imagine her as a teenager. Yes, praying for grace and perspective now is definitely a good idea! I agree with Meredith, she's so cute!
ReplyDeleteYou might look for some relief from erratic temper when she's expressing herself better. A lot of children get frustrated right before they really start acquiring vocabulary so they can verbalize what is bothering them. Prior to that all they can do is scream. You probably already knew that, but I know when you're at the end of your rope it's a little difficult to keep that in mind.
I was thinking the other day about how love works... how love blinds us to the imperfections and difficulties we face with the ones we love. If it weren't for love we would NEVER be able to tolerate all the challenges we face in raising children. Even just living with someone... you cannot tolerate the wildly annoying CRAP another person does (doesn't matter who, doesn't matter what) unless you love them so much that wildly annoying crap doesn't matter so much. And it's true of children as well, including babies. It's our instinct to care for them and God created that blazingly intense parental love in our hearts upon seeing the face of our child (or even before then) to get us through all the misery of dealing with raising them.
I am so blessed with how easy Michael is and has always been, really. Especially considering what DNA he got from his father, I really had no right to expect he'd be so easy and flexible and forgiving and happy. :D He is a blessing, though, no doubt about it.
Thanks for the comment, Katy. I just got your email update and it's wonderful to hear about the things that are going on in your life and in Michael's. He is such a wonderful boy. So smart, so sweet! So many things to be proud of. Yeah, I must agree it's a pleasant surprise, given his father's legacy.
ReplyDeleteEven though Eowyn is passionate, it's one of the things I love about her. She's fiery, but I love her personality and the funny things she does. I wouldn't change her, actually, though it makes life difficult sometimes. I have heard, as you said, that the screaming may lessen as she learns to communicate better. In the last week or so she's become very conversational. Of course, I'm still not understanding half of what she's trying to tell me, but it's a step.