Hypnobirthing (or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb)

All glory to the hypnotoad

Lesson learned: don't knock that hippie stuff 'till you've tried it! Actually, go ahead and knock much of it. But this new-age sounding 'birthing' technique (which eschews negative terms such as 'labor', by the way) has already helped me, and I've not even had any contractions yet--erm, I mean uterine surges.

Yes, I'm already a believer. Even Christian, and that's saying a lot! We've both had occasion to use the self-hypnosis techniques when we've suffered from sinus pain and congestion that refused to yield to any amount of drugs, nose-blowing, or flushing with saline spray gadgetry. At his wit's end late one night, Christian resigned himself to sitting up in the living room until utter exhaustion took him. "Wait!" I said. "Let me try that light-touch massage we just learned about in class tonight!" I wasn't expecting much, but it worked. Christian was amazed that the sensation of the massage overwhelmed his pain and he was able to fall asleep.

A few hours after midnight last night, I laid awake in misery. The Sudafed that I risked Espen's well-being to take before bed had done nothing. Neither had Tylenol or saline. Rising to go to the couch and wallow in self-pity, a thought occurred to me--what if I try that relaxation CD from the Hypnobirthing class, the one I've been putting off listening to? Again, not expecting much, I turned it on. And to my surprise, I soon found that listening, deep breathing and relaxing had supplanted my pain, and I could even breathe through my nose again.

I've been asked many times: what is Hypnobirthing? Am I going to cluck like a chicken during labor? Will I be unconscious or in some weird trance? No--the bulk of what I've learned boils down to deep relaxation techniques. You learn methods of self-relaxation, mainly slow breathing and visualization, that allow you to birth with more control and more comfort. You are always aware of your surroundings. Supposedly, self-hypnosis is similar to the sort of focus one slips into while engrossed in a book, watching a movie, or driving a familiar route.

One of the first benefits I gleaned from the course is that I no longer look forward to Espen's birth with fear and anxiety. With Eowyn, that was a big issue for me. The closer I got to the due date, the more I anticipated with dread that she needed to emerge from my body somehow, and it wasn't going to be pleasant. Now, I'm actually anticipating Espen's birth with excitement. The absence of drugs makes me happy.

According to Hypnobirthers, our pain during labor is the product of cultural misinformation and fear, developed over centuries of Western society's mistreatment of childbirth. They point to women in non-Western cultures who labor without fear or agonizing pain. Not that labor isn't intense and hard work, but it doesn't necessitate anesthesia or terror. This whole spiel had me skeptical. So, the main thing causing pain in labor is a cycle of fear, tension, and pain? Yeah, right.

To quote Yente: "Of course right!" (Check back in a month or so and we'll see if all this confidence in hypnobirthing has truly paid off).