Yes, I was that mom. The one who bought her daughter a sack full of popcorn on her way into Target, banking on the salty morsels to keep the babe busy as she browsed leisurely in the aisles. I was the one whose child dropped a trail of popcorn kernels wherever they went, as if they were rehearsing a joint audition for the lead roles in the next production of Hansel & Gretel. I was the one who gasped in alarm when her daughter overturned her cup of popcorn on the floor in close proximity to several Target red-shirts, the mom who glanced furtively over her shoulder and then attempted to walk casually down the next aisle as Red Shirt Girl told Red Shirt Boy with a sigh, 'Don't worry, I'll get it.'
I'm not proud of what I did. I'd like to say that I'm sorry, Target red-shirts, for the extra work I caused you that day.
I completed a shopping trip in relative peace, my little girl's appetite ruined for the rest of the day by ingesting nearly half a bag of popcorn, her sweet little lips puffy from salt. Was it worth it? Hmmm.....
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Your self-deprecating blog is funny, in part because we can identify with you in these experiences. I once left my child's vomit (cake, ice cream, and fried Cracker Barrel fare) on the floor of a CVS. She was crying and quasi-naked, which at the time seemed better than clothed and in vomit. I tried to alert the powers that be, but they wouldn't acknowledge me, so I just bolted.
ReplyDeleteAnother time, my child was playing hide and seek in that same Target and was hiding underneath the elevated strollers and car seats, where they keep the new, boxed versions thereof. She was still learning to listen to her body's signals and accidentally let loose with a non-trivial amount of #1. I had nothing to clean it with, and it was too far back for me to get anyway. So, again, we bolted. I can't remember if I successfully alerted a Red Shirt on my way to the bathroom to change her.
This is so funny! I love your writing. You're gonna get a following here.
ReplyDeleteI've heard popcorn can be constipating, which might have a positive effect on Eowyn. Did you notice any difference?
And Meredith, I read blogs and comment while feeding Ransom, so I have ample opportunity. I don't have the time or inclination to maintain a blog of my own, however.
Matthaeus Flexibilis blogs via the comment section of others' blogs.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I am in no way related to him, in case other readers are wondering. He is so irresponsible!
Matthaeus, your comments are so hilarious. I was laughing out loud! (I just re-read them and laughed again)
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